Flowers for Mum

In Memory of Gurli Harriet Bagnall

2/12/1934 - 17/8/2011

For many years my mother couldn't tolerate plants in close proximity because they caused her breathing problems. She suffered for years from ME and the associated horrors that accompany that disease. As a result we tended not to have around us things that smelled too much because we lived on each others' doorsteps and I didn't want to cause her any more discomfort than she already had.

Nearly two weeks ago, late at night on Wednesday 17th August, my mother passed away. What I had thought would be for me an extremely sad time, has turned out to be an occasion to be celebrated. Mum's suffering was so acute, so painful, so misunderstood, so poorly managed...I could go on. And so desperate was she for an end to it all, that she tried, unsuccessfully, to end it herself.  The relief for her that it is all over is so immense that it would be mean of me to deny her that and to be sad about it.

She had wanted to go for quite some time but the laws in our country don't allow for humanity towards humans. Had I subjected a pet to the pain and suffering she endured, the SPCA would have hauled me across hot coals and into court, and in a very public way dealt with my cruel behaviour. But no one will be called upon to explain why a mother, grandmother and great-grandmother was made to suffer the way she was.  Such is life in our 'civilised' world.

As for the after-life - I know all religious groups reckon they know what comes next. But for my mum here is what happened. The days after her death I drove her motorised wheelchair out onto her deck so she could sit in the sun and toast her toes before embarking on her journey.  Her eyes had become so terribly light-sensitive that sitting in the sun was not something she could comfortably do without a serious cover-up. But now she can.  I've also made sure that the chaise lounge on our veranda is well placed to catch the morning sun should she prefer that particular spot. The wheel chair has been taken away now and it's sad to see the empty space. Once she had finished sunning herself she flew across the sky up to the snow-capped mountains to make 'snow angels' because of course she is an angel now!

Some may find my behaviour rather eccentric but one does what one does to cope with situations and this was my way of letting mum go. For her final earthly 'production' (she did tread the boards in her younger days) I selected a bright blouse she had made in blues, greens and yellows and teamed it with a yellow sarong I made. The whole outfit was pulled together (as designers would say) with a scarf, and buttons and a brooch that she herself had made from modelling clay. This is her outfit for sitting on a particular beach in Mocambique and eating mangoes with my father and friends who have gone before her. 

And do you know? I just don't feel her around much now and it's only two weeks later. Is it because I was happy to let her go? We were so close and I always imagined I would hurt far more when she went. But the truth is I'm so grateful that her suffering has ended.

I am happy. Rest in Peace, Mum. I love you more than words can say.

Krissy

XXXX

PS I hope you have enjoyed the flowers that  friends have sent in your memory. Some smell divine, all are beautiful, and they are here for you to enjoy! :-)